Writing Rather Than Procrastinating

Sometimes I find it so difficult to commit time to my creative writing. I suppose that it is a dilemma common to most freelancers. You find yourself getting so caught up in writing for a living that you forget to write for yourself. In my own case, I will not allow myself to work on my creative manuscripts until I have completed whatever projects I am working on professionally. I promise myself that I will have permission to write creatively after all of my client related writing projects are completed. That's what I tell myself anyway. The conflict arises because even after my professional projects are completed, I still will not give myself permission to write creatively until after I have successfully managed to land several more writing gigs - and so it becomes a vicious cycle of procrastination.

 

It's not that I'm lazy or that I'm uninspired. Heck, give me a deadline and I'll deliver completed drafts not on time - but ahead of time. It's a work ethic that keeps me very popular with clients. It's not like I avoid writing. On the contrary, I write everyday and usually for several hours.

 

I think my creative procrastination can be likened to a survival mechanism. I tell myself I haven't earned the right to creative expression until I have earned my keep financially. And most of the time I don't feel creatively stifled or starved, at least not utterly. To be a good copywriter one must absolutely be creative. After all, a copywriter is forever seeking out new and creative uses for what I like to call execu-jargon terms such as "value added." But at the end of the day, even the most creative copywriting project just doesn't deliver the same level of satisfaction as my own creative projects.

 

So now I have begun examining my reasons for creative procrastination. I mean it is so frustrating that the type of writing I take the most pleasure in, is the one I am least likely to pursue. The demands of life and a paycheck take precedence and simply put there are times that writing creatively is a luxury that I cannot afford; or at least I tell myself that. I guess it softens the blow.

 

 I also believe there is an underlying issue lurking just below the surface that I am in consistent denial of: The issue of self-worth. Getting caught up in self-doubt. How do I justify time spent writing book length creative fiction that could otherwise be spent drumming up new clients? It's doubtful that anyone will ever be interested in it anyway. It's probably gonna suck, and even if it doesn't it's unlikely that it will ever wind up in publication and even if it did odds are it'll tank. Who do I think I am writing book length anything?

 

Well ... there it is. How can a writer argue with her own worst critic? I guess the only way is by proving the critic wrong. By writing that creative fiction, because I can and I want to. By completing my manuscripts simply on the merits of personal satisfaction. By querying agents and publishers with the completed and thoroughly edited final drafts.

 

Not that doing all of that would ever completely silence the voice of self-doubt. No, I'm certain that will plague me throughout my writing life. But by committing to writing rather than procrastinating I may just experience a level of satisfaction that far exceeds that of earning money. Not that earning money is bad. Who doesn't love being able to pay their bills and perhaps enjoy and evening out once in a while? Money is awesome, it's just that there are some things you cannot put a price on. At least not until after your manuscript is accepted for publication!